Have you ever had the experience in which you really have to poop but you can't. Instead it just sits in your lower intestines, growing like some stepchild unwilling to do what you ask of it. Then finally the time comes; and of course it is the worse time to happen. At work!
So then you head for the public bathroom! Stricken by abdominal pains you get to pot without making it clear to your co-workers you are about to take a shit. With mere seconds you disrobe and like a king to his throne you go to work. But there is a problem......
The unwilling second party that is now turtling has hardened and is coming to the party. You think all I have to do is breath and push. Hell it works for giving birth why not for this. So you push and push and thus the log begins its journey. The problem is that it keeps coming. You try to Pinch it, but that is not gonna happen. So as you brace for the ride you keep pushing. But your forget that you are now holding your breath.......
And as you push you get dizzy and light headed!!!!!! You realize oh shit am about to pass out while I am taking a shit! You pray to God, "Dear God don't let them find me with a turf sticking out of my ass. You panic and breath, but leaves you mid push exposed with a tree trunk stuck in your ass. You feel like you are about to be torn in half. You suck up the pain and continue to push; this time doing your TV Lamaze. You finally beyond all reason pass your waste. You are sweating and tired. .
.. And that was how my day was. Good story.
To explain. The events of this story did not take place today. The story is a mere metaphor of how the day went. Big things happening and all you can do is breath and get through the day.
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