The good thing about thinking about committing suicide is that it's a thought not acted upon.......
....There is a darkness that lives in us all. Some are the lucky ones and rarely have to deal with it.
Some are consumed by the darkness.
And some willingly embrace it.
I use mine as a film projector that allows me to play scenarios of what if's and wanton wishes.
So sweet have the thoughts of cold silence been as of late.
Opportunities that present themselves pass like a second hand on an ancient watch.
This way, that way and it's done. Though unwound tick tick tick, it's not complete.
It's the after I dare not think about.
It is the after that reason pulls me from my darkness.
It is the after that I truly fear to fail.
So I let go of my darkness, I let it creep back to its place till next time.
Maybe next time, maybe the after won't come and the darkness with get to stay, but then all is undone no time to play.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The typical Atypical New Year Resolution Blog
As promised I decided that I would make the attempt to start writing again on a regular basis. This of course would imply that some people other than myself feel that I have any talent to do such. Well other than family I personally I still do not believe people really care what I might have to say. I guess as I pour the contents of my brain to the this electronic piece of paper I will see what kind of reaction I get, if any at all.
So now to the Resolution part of this message. It is not so much one thing but a series of changes that I selfishly wish to change about myself.
1. Last year for six weeks I worked my ass off, ate well, and lost about 22 pounds. Of course I got lazy again, work got really busy, and I put the weight back on for the most part. I felt better, I looked better, for the most part I was happy. So why not doing something the is so obviously easy to change? Dunno maybe because I am stubborn, hard head person like everyone else in my life and family. Oh yeah you know who you are. So back to the 72oz of water a day, the Iced tea, reasonable food intake, and of course being more active.
2. This leads to the next resolution /cry no more pop, soda, whatever. Well a revision, 1 liter a week. which is a little less than 3- 12oz cans of pop a week. Baby Steps ....Baby Steps. Next no fast food. Easy as pie.
3. I plan not to learn just one language but two. Arabic and French. Why? Because I can.
4. I got a camera for Christmas and I intend to use it as source of writing material as well as a photographic medium. So sometimes there will be a photo that will accompany with written material. As a rule for myself one photo per post. Rejects, extra, and other I will post up on flicker or photobucket. I am not sure just yet.
5. I am going to write! Short, long, poems, songs (although I have never written one gonna try)
6. In some sense I have become my Grandfather. I remember as a kid whenever we went to see my mom's parents her father he would always be upstairs away from the craziness of the family. I have done the same. I have closed myself away from the world, my life, and my family. As much as I like the solitude, there is more of the world I want to see and it starts by leaving this room and seeing it again.
7. Lastly just two classes to finish the degree. If I ever use it or not I want to finish it.
And that is it. Lets see where this year takes me.
So now to the Resolution part of this message. It is not so much one thing but a series of changes that I selfishly wish to change about myself.
1. Last year for six weeks I worked my ass off, ate well, and lost about 22 pounds. Of course I got lazy again, work got really busy, and I put the weight back on for the most part. I felt better, I looked better, for the most part I was happy. So why not doing something the is so obviously easy to change? Dunno maybe because I am stubborn, hard head person like everyone else in my life and family. Oh yeah you know who you are. So back to the 72oz of water a day, the Iced tea, reasonable food intake, and of course being more active.
2. This leads to the next resolution /cry no more pop, soda, whatever. Well a revision, 1 liter a week. which is a little less than 3- 12oz cans of pop a week. Baby Steps ....Baby Steps. Next no fast food. Easy as pie.
3. I plan not to learn just one language but two. Arabic and French. Why? Because I can.
4. I got a camera for Christmas and I intend to use it as source of writing material as well as a photographic medium. So sometimes there will be a photo that will accompany with written material. As a rule for myself one photo per post. Rejects, extra, and other I will post up on flicker or photobucket. I am not sure just yet.
5. I am going to write! Short, long, poems, songs (although I have never written one gonna try)
6. In some sense I have become my Grandfather. I remember as a kid whenever we went to see my mom's parents her father he would always be upstairs away from the craziness of the family. I have done the same. I have closed myself away from the world, my life, and my family. As much as I like the solitude, there is more of the world I want to see and it starts by leaving this room and seeing it again.
7. Lastly just two classes to finish the degree. If I ever use it or not I want to finish it.
And that is it. Lets see where this year takes me.
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