Sunday, April 29, 2012

Constructing Reality: Finding Ethnography in Film


Donald C Casteel Jr

AN 307

Professor Deubel/Boyer



Constructing Reality: Finding Ethnography in Film

Introduction


            There are simple truths in life that we ignore or fail to see each day.  They surround us, inform us, and incorporate themselves into our lives.  The give is cultural meaning, a relevance to how we understand one another.  Film is just one medium in which as a society we acknowledge or ignore those simple truths.  It affords us the opportunity to reexamine our world; to offer new meanings or take a deeper look at social discord.  Several themes continually presented themselves time and again throughout the course.  Two such themes will be the basis of this paper.  Those themes are the nature of truth and authenticity in ethnographic, documentary and conventional film, furthermore the responsibility of the filmmaker to present their work in an accurately to the public.  Yet there is more to the argument than the fair and accurate reporting of cultural events.  There is question, can conventional film be an accurate representation society and cultural believes or does ethnographic film and documentaries has exclusive rights in constructing social reality?  In brief I will attempt to answer that question while pointing out the reoccurring themes in film and texts.

Method


            In presenting the aforementioned argument I felt the logic of the paper would be best served if I started with the examination of Ethnographic film and gradually work towards examples of conventional film.  This process would be two fold, first laying the base knowledge to ethnographic film.  Secondly showing the linear progression of the spectrum of film and how multiple forms of media and adhere to the same criteria of being authentic and truthful.  Also to point out that while Ethnographic film attempts to hold itself to a higher standard, the personal short comings of the anthropologist and ethnographer can corrupt and distort their own findings. At the same time conventional filmmakers unintentionally create art that is taken by academia as wholly authentic.

Capturing Reality


            Of the film presented in this course I felt that Maya Deren's Divine Horsemen and Jose Padilha's Secrets of the Tribe were fair representations of ethnographic film.  Arguably, they are in fact documentaries, yet they capture truth of culture that in one instance could have never been captured by another film maker and the other of the truth that all anthropologist do not always mean well when trying to capture "primitive culture". The Secrets of the Tribe offers contradictory alternative to the work of Napoleon Chagnon and Timothy Asch.  So much so one could question the critical texts Timothy Asch's writings.  Asch wrote:

            Our social contract with our subjects demands that we ask ourselves whether we are          working with them for legitimate reasons or simply for personal gain; whether we can get         the footage we need without doing injury to people who have so generously allowed us to        live with them and see and understand their most closely-held beliefs and customs (Asch 196-204, 197).



            Throughout Secrets Padilha continually questions Chagnon's methods of fieldwork. There is a scene in particular when Chagnon and his team our vaccinating the Yanomamo.  They state their reason for doing so was because the valley was suffering from an outbreak of measles. (Chagnon, Good and Tierney 2010) It is then later revealed in the film that Chagnon's team never had the appropriate supplies to properly vaccinate the tribe.  James Neel personal journals confirm the expedition’s ulterior motives.  These scenes directly contradict Asch statements of having legitimate reasons when studying exotic cultures.  Not to be outdone, Asch later disqualifies his previous statement by pointing out later in his article:

            Ethical truths are relative to a particular culture and particular moment in history.  As         film-makers we should, at least, be aware of and take seriously the ethical concerns of the   time in which we live (Asch 196-204, 204).

This would seem that rather than record accurate and truthful data the ethics of the fieldwork is once that is qualified by the standards in which we live.  The problem then being is to whose standards were Chagnon and Asch adhering to?  The Padilha presents a truth but it not one Chagnon was so willingly to accept and certainly not a truth in which Asch would have necessary filmed.

            Conversely Maya Deren’s Divine Horsemen appears to be a genuine attempt at ethnography and documentary.  The irony of the film was while Deren’s goal was to capture the artist movement of Haitian ritual dance her film sequences mesmerizes the audience to the beat of the drum, the rawness of the dance, and the poetry of the rite.  Her film is more than about dance, it is also about presentation of spiritual possession.  Dan Marks points out in his article, "Ethnographic filmmakers seek ... not to create a cinematic illusion of truth, but rather to recreate a physical and psychological verisimilitude" (Marks 1995, 342).  Deren’s footage is filled with the physical and psychological verisimilitude Marks writes about.  Point in the fact the slow motion scenes in which the chickens are held by the dancers and thrust in circles.  The brutality of the scene is transformed by the slow motion.  The audience is removed from the point that a chicken is being man handled and is neck it finally broke in tribute to the spirits.  The audience in turn sees a prop that is being used by the spirit, but the chicken is more than a mere prop.  It becomes and extension of the dancer and the spirit.  It is the presentation to the spirit that allows for the rite to proceed, it is an immutable part of the process. (Deren 1985)  Although the completed work was not of her own.  As stated in previous instances, the story of a film (or in this case the reality) can be created through the camera and in the editing room.  In truth while the voice of the footage is of Deren’s, the story of the film is told by her third husband Teijio Ito.  For what the film ended up being the question remains, was the Divine Horsemen Ito’s story with Deren’s footage or the reality of the dance rite and Deren’s skill transcend Ito’s editorial eye.  It is a question that is difficult to answer even if it could ever be answered.  What is certain the unlike with Asch and Chagnon’s work Deren appeared not to be grasping for an understanding.  In searching for the artistry of the dance she also finds an ethnographical record of possession. 

Searching for Reality


Louis Malle’s Phantom India as a film departure from conventional film and documentary.  On

the style of the film:

            Phantom India was very much in the cinéma vérité tradition that first flourished in the      1960s when the appearance of lightweight film cameras made possible the capturing of       “real life” activities in the practical affairs of society.  But cinema vérité in its early        European manifestation was distinguished from its counterpart in North America, known          as “direct cinema”, which tried to capture “objective” reality by attempting to make the             cinematographers invisible. Cinéma vérité filmmakers, in contrast to that, tended to           acknowledge explicitly the presence of the filmmaker and his or her involvement in the   processes under study (The Film Sufi: Devoted to the Discussion of Film Expression 2010).

To that point Louis Malle camera is ever present in his film. On the presence of the camera:

            Indeed, Malle’s film is an extended examination of the issue of cinematic objectivity. He is less concerned with the camera’s putative “invisibility” (there are many occasions   when his subjects look straight into the camera) than with the inescapable fact that the           director, as well as each viewer, brings to the film his or her own intellectual categories by means of which the perceived reality is to be constructed (The Film Sufi: Devoted to the Discussion of Film Expression 2010).

            Phantom India is filled with an unsettling truth of reality throughout the film.  Not only does it attempt to tackle find the inherent injustice of the caste system it also observes and gathers the misconceptions of colonized society.  Two scenes in Phantom India best prove this point.  Malle interviews two French students (hippies) about their time in India.  The interview is filled will both social and economic myth.  Myth of how the people of India are peaceful simple people who are not bound by the economic pressures of modern society (Malle 1969).  These two students have so idealized a culture they fail to see the level of poverty in which most Indians lived.  The misconceptions of the French students are shattered by the Fishmonger scene.  The scene is simple enough, a group of people fishing in hopes of earning enough to provide for their families.  The extreme poverty and contradiction of the previous scene is made when the fishermen come to near blows with the fishmonger over a few pennies (Malle 1969).  These people are not the pacifist the tourists were searching for they are merely trying to survive another day.  The reality in which Malle presents is a tenuous one, it is one that he feels he can not truly capture or present.  Despite his effort to discredit himself and the intrusive nature of the camera Malle effectively captures the overwhelming nature and culture of India.

Creating Reality


            From the Phantom India to rural India, the argument now switches of true life to scripted life.  Pather Panchali and The Battle for Algiers are undoubtedly conventional film; both films are based on novels, one being purely fictional while the other is based on real events.  The cinematography of both allows the films the freedom to create a reality that blurs the lines of true ethnography and acting.  Despite the sheer beauty of the film and the sequences it is Pather Panchali that makes the strange journey of conventional film to ethnography and back to conventional film.  Chandak Sengoopta article points why the film took such a strange path to the United States:

            Few critics saw it as a regular drama and nobody said much on the acting, photography,    music or editing. More understandably, the literary dimension was entirely overlooked, as     were the implicit affiliations with Nehru’s modernizing project. American critics, in other          words, simply did not have the contextual knowledge needed to interpret the film and          thanks to the film’s initial reputation as a documentary, saw it simply as a Flahertyesque portrayal of rural life in India (Sengoopta 2009, 282).

            In short American audiences and organizations were so unfamiliar with Indian society they took by today’s standard of a dramatic film as ethnographic truth.  Satyajit Ray, the director, was reluctant to break the illision Franis Flaherty and other Americans had created.  Even the misrepresentation allowed new audiences to see Ray’s films.  In reviewing the film it becoming difficult  to find any particluar scene which presented itself as wholly ethnographic in nature.  But for an audience that had no frame of refence one could see the potential for the misinterpretation.  Still having seen Louis Malle’s India, Ray’s film does an extremely well job of recreating the poverity and the struggle to surive that is captured in Phantom India. (Bannerjee, et al. 1955)

            If Pather Panchali was a struggle for survival, Gillo Pontecorvo’s film The Battle for Algiers was a film of resistance and revolution.  Whereas Pather Panchali takes place in a non descript rural home, The Battle for Algiers took place on the very streets that had been under siege some nine years earlier.  The cast was filled with non-professionals that had been pulled from the city.  While recreated the mob scenes leaned credence to the truth that Pontecorvo was trying to create.  On third cinima and revolution Solanas and Getino wrote:

            The cinema known as documentary, with all the vastness that the concept has today, from            educational films to the reconstruction of a fact or a historical event, is perhaps the main           basis of revolutionary filmmaking. Every image that documents, bears witness to, refutes          or deepens the truth of a situation is something more than a film image or purely artistic     fact; it becomes something which the System finds indigestible (Solanas and Getino 1976, 55).



            But The Battle for Algiers is a conventional film right?  Well it is, but Pontecorvo incorporated documentary film techqiues to create a reality on film that viusally expresses the feeling of truth.  The scene which Col. Mathieu has Ali la Pointe and crew corned is an example of such  techqiue.  Pontecorvo makes serveral cuts from inside le Pointes hiding place, to Col. Mathieu, to the gathered crowd.  It is in the instance in which the edit is made and the camera lingers on the slighty out of focus crowd.  The crispness of the film presentation is changed.  The faces of the crowd appear so raw so genuine it appears that Pontecorvo used actual stock footage from the 1950’s. (Martin, Haggiag and Saadi 1967)  Again the closeing sequence of the film leads itself to the creation of a reality that echos the truth of modern experiences.  The crowds standing defiently against French forces were renimissent of the news footage from egypt and the Arab Spring in 2011.  So much so the difference is just a matter of black and white verse color footage. The imagery is very much so the same, again Solanas and Getino make the point:   

            The capacity for synthesis and the penetration of the film image, the possibilities offered   by the living document and naked reality, and the power of enlightenment of audiovisual          means make the film far more effective than any other tool of communication (Solanas and Getino 1976, 53).



            Solanas’ and Getinos’ statement could suggest that imagery could be the determining factor in the creation of truth and reality.  That the director could present a reality; be it fictional, which could lend itself to be interoperated by the audience as truthful and accurate.  But more so they suggest, that film can be an effective means for revolution.  It can be the motivator, the spark, the action in which people act.  By that point alone there is truth within film even if the film only portrays a truth.

Conclusion


            Where does the truth lay in film? Does the fact that a film is fictional it cannot accurately represent a culture? The filmmaker of any genre of film bears some responsibility to accurately present their work to the audience.  In the case of Napoleon Chagnon and Timothy Asch, their conduct in the jungles of the Amazon was so questionable a special board was convened to determine if they had done any wrong.  Despite being found not guilty of any of the charges against them their work for the most part fell out of favor, when the data conflicts with the visual record there had been a great disservice that is then put upon the field and its members.  The Divine Horsemen bears another point, which filmmakers work is being presented to the public? Since the work was complied posthumously we can only guess if Ito accurately depicted the vision of his late wife Maya Deren. Still what is a filmmaker to do when it is the audience that gets the intent of the film incorrectly? In one sense Satyajit Ray would have been elated that his work was so well revieved in the united state but on the other to be dejected that the audience  was so misinformed they took his movie for real.  As students of film and anthropology do we give the general audience too much credit? Dan Marks said of ethographic film:

            the point of ethnographic filmmaking ac-cording to Heider is to maximize the "degree of ethno-graphicness" (Heider 1977:4) by privileging certain cinematic techniques over      other ones and certain kinds of behavior over other ones. In other words, although it is       not possible to get at the absolute truth, some ethno-graphic films are truer and therefore      more ethnographic than others because through the application of ethno-graphic     principles they have achieved a closer relation-ship to the immutable truth (Marks 1995, 344).

            Maybe Marks and Heider are correct, ethnographic films are truer because they apply anthropoligical principles not found in other types of film.  Maybe it is not possible for conventional film to accurately represent society and cultural believes as well does ethnographic film and documentaries. Maybe it is easier to just agree with the professionals and not try to present an alternative viewpoint. 

            Frankly,  Hieder and Marks are wrong, if anything the films mentioned in the paper as well as the films presented in this course have been more than capable of capturing and creating truth of ethnography.  Secrets of the Tribe showed us that while the Axe Fight  and other Chagnon films accurate the assumption the fieldworkers brought to the work clouded and distorted the results.  As unpleasant the truths about the fieldwork were they were still truths the resound in the minds of the audience.  Yet still the same can be applied with subjects of poverty and hunger.  As a whole we agree that Pather Panchali was an conventional drama.  But the fictional film the Ray creates is one which is very believable.  The poverty and hunger in  Pather Panchali is confirmed and presented again in Phantom India.  It is in the battle cry for freedom in The Battle for Algiers it parallels our recent memories of current global discord.  In the movie Schinldler's list, are we less inclined to believe the horrors of the holocaust knowing that the little boy hiding in the filth of the latrine is a fictional depiction. Sometimes truth is not determined by what you actually see, but rather by how you are effected by what you see.





















Bibliography


Asch, Timothy. "The ethics of ethographic film-making." In Film as ethnography, by Peter Ian Crawford and David Turton, 1992. Manchester & New York: Manchester University Press, 196-204.

Pather Panchali: Song of the Little Road. Directed by Satyajit Ray. Performed by Kanu Bannerjee, Karuna Bannerjee, Subir Bannerjee and Uma Dasgupta. 1955.

Secrets of the Tribe. Directed by Jose Padilha. Performed by Napoleon Chagnon, Kenneth Good and Patrick Tierney. 2010.

Divine Horsemen. Directed by Maya Deren. 1985.

In Innovation in Ethnographic Film, by Peter Loizos, 1-29. Manchester, UK: Manchester University Press, 1993.

Phantom Inida. Directed by Louis Malle. 1969.

Marks, Dan. "Ethnography and Ethnographic Film: From Flaherty to Asch and after." American Anthropologist, 1995: 339-347.

The Battle for Algiers. Directed by Gillo Pontecorvo. Performed by Jean Martin, Brahim Haggiag and Yacef Saadi. 1967.

Sengoopta, Chandak. "The Universal Film for all of us, everywhere in the world: Satyajit Ray's Pather Panchali (1955) and the Shadow of Robert Flaherty." Historical Journal of Film, Radio and Television, 2009: 277-293.

Solanas, Fernando, and Octavio Getino. "Towards a Third Cinema." In Movies and Methods. An Anthology, by Bill Nichols, 44-64. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1976.

The Film Sufi: Devoted to the Discussion of Film Expression. June 11, 2010. http://filmsufi.blogspot.com/2010/06/phantom-india-louis-malle-1969.html (accessed April 5, 2012).








Monday, February 28, 2011

New Years new words.

2011 has been a flurry of travel and work. Pretty much these past two months have been go go go. Which is fine, being busy keeps the mind occupied. Free of worry .. .. Well almost. Contract renewals, weddings, expectations, lack of (whatever) that maybe missing in my life.

To start with myself, hopefully this year I can get past my personal issues and allow myself to find someone that makes me happy. Frankly last year I fucked things up (once again). I met someone the was truly special and who really was into me. Rather than letting here in I shut down and let stupid little things bother me. Yes I am a dumb fuck, yes it was all my fault. If I could call a do over I would. And would for certain still be with that woman. Yes I am a tool. I am trying to be a better person, work in progress.

Looking towards the rest of the year. This summer and fall I will finish the sociology degree. I am bound and determined to complete it. I have to, it is important that I do. I have been thinking grad school for a history degree at Oakland. Even though I really didn't want to write a book, I think I want to write a book. History is something that I love and care about. This brings up work. My contract ends this year. If my company wins the work i could really care less. I like my job, I like the people, but I do not see myself doing this same job until I retire. I have seen the GS people at work. Don't want to be one of those folks. It's not worth it.

I have rambled enough for now.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas is almost over.

Christmas has not felt right for myself for several years now. More so my feelings of dread and disappointment grow greater every year. Something is missing and something is there nagging at my heart pulling me away from what should be somewhat of a happy time of the year. Could it be the Christmas blues? Maybe. Could it be I am not happy with those that willing continue to ungratefully use those that only want to help them? Definitely a possibility. Could it be that there is nothing I want, that nothing anyone could potentially give me that can fill the emptiness I feel in my heart. I was asked to provide a Christmas list, a list of things that I could open on Christmas Day. I wrote a list filled with the unpractical, expensive junk in the attempt to appease. I wrote down a list of stuff that I really didn't want in the hopes of not getting anything on the list. It was painfully to ask for anything. But the status quo must be met and there should be something under for me. The other day I got up the courage to say, "what you would spend on me just give it to someone that really needs a Christmas." I wish I was taken seriously.


So now I have to wait just a few more days. I will have to bear the unbelievable pain of Christmas morning. I will put on a smile to hide my indifference and I will have to lie and pretended as if it was what i wanted all along (I revised this statement because i didn't express what i wanted to say properly. I am grateful for all that I have ever been given. I just do not feel the joy of recieving gifts. I will see the faces of those that will demand more while will I wish for nothing. I wish I could be happy for Christmas, but all I truly want to do is hide in my room and hope the holidays past quickly.

Monday, December 13, 2010

In my Fathers words.

At the very  most I know some personal things about my Father. He is a private person that really only shares his feelings with one person, my mom. Reposted is his personal experience from his time in the United States Army. I can only remember small details of the event he briefly wrote about. It was is responce to an email explaining the folding of the United States flag for our fallen War fighters.

Please let me share a experience from my military service My 21 years in the Army saved my life and I'm grateful for that. However, freedom isn't free. Those who have served in the military and given their lives are our american hero's. While still on active duty I was assigned as a casually assistance officer with the unfortunate assignment of notifying a family from Dearborn that their 19 year old son was killed in a training exercise at Ft Carson, CO. Three young ordinance specialist went down range to dismantle a explosive device. No sooner did they begin to dismantle the device it exploded killing all three instantly. Part of my assignment was to meet the flagged draped coffin at the airport with a Chaplain and the family. With-in my instructions I was told that the coffin was to remain closed for obvious reasons. Trying to explain this to a grieving mother was no easy task. Fortunately the father had been in the military during Vietnam and knew what was in that coffin or should I say what was still remaining of their 19 year old son. This isn't about me its about the next time you see a flagged draped coffin pay tribute to that War Fighter. They are our hero's and those soldiers that fold that flag take great pride, respect and the honor that War Fighter and their family. ~Donald Coda Casteel Sr. 2010


Meaning of Flag Draped Coffin ________________________________ Meaning of Flag Draped Coffin All Americans should be given this lesson. Those who think that America is an arrogant nation should really reconsider that thought. Our founding fathers used GOD's word and teachings to establish our Great Nation and I think it's high time Americans get re-educated about this Nation's history. Pass it along and be proud of the country we live in and even more proud of those who serve to protect our 'GOD GIVEN' rights and freedoms. I hope you take the time to read this ... To understand what the flag draped coffin really means ... Here is how to understand the flag that laid upon it and is surrendered to so many widows and widowers. Do you know that at military funerals, the 21-gun salute stands for the sum of the numbers in the year 1776? Have you ever noticed the honor guard pays meticulous attention to correctly folding the United States of America Flag 13 times? You probably thought it was to symbolize the original 13 colonies, but we learn something new every day! The 1st fold of the flag is a symbol of life. The 2ndfold is a symbol of the belief in eternal life. The 3rd fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing the ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of the country to attain peace throughout the world. The 4th fold represents the weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance. The 5th fold is a tribute to the country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, 'Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.' The 6th fold is for where people's hearts lie. It is with their heart that they pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America , and the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all. The 7th fold is a tribute to its Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that they protect their country and their flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of their republic. The 8th fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day. The 9th fold is a tribute to womanhood, and Mothers. For it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded. The 10th fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of their country since they were first born. The 11th fold represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies in the Hebrews eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The 12th fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in the Christians eyes, God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit. The 13th fold, or when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding them of their nations motto, 'In God We Trust.' After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for them the rights, privileges and freedoms they enjoy today. There are some traditions and ways of doing things that have deep meaning. In the future, you'll see flags folded and now you will know why. Share this with the children you love and all others who love what is referred to, the symbol of ' Liberty and Freedom.' MAYBE THE SUPREME COURT SHOULD READ THIS EXPLANATION BEFORE THEY RENDER THEIR DECISION ON THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE. FORWARD IT; MAYBE SOMEONE WITH THE NECESSARY POWER, OR POLITICAL AND FINANCIAL INFLUENCE, WILL GET IT TO THEM. IN THE MEANTIME, MAY GOD PROTECT US ALWAYS. ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL. If you agree, Pass it along to others.................If not, hit delete.................. Our Soldiers have preserved your right to make this choice!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Clean out the brain.

Blurry shadows press upon the melancholy mind.

Happy thoughts disgrace themselves with twisted misbegotten memories.
Pain feigns its true intent then waders off to an easier target.
No feeling to be had, nothing to be undone, the unrelenting feeling of nothingness.
A pit of unknowing. It sits there in my belly, doing nothing.

Doing something.

Making me weak, making me tired . Making me doubt myself when I should be proud.
All that had been done gone unnoticed. To be minimized by those less than me. different than me.

More valuable than me?

While I may be less than, I will fight to me more than. Fight the nothing, Fight the substandard. I will use the opportunity to not look back, but only for moment to laugh and say I win not you. Your unwise choices will no longer hurt me, limit me, distort me. You'll see when you will need me I will not be there and the more valued , the different, the less than will not be able to help you. I hope so I know so.

I feel better now. Oh and by the way Fuck you...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

All Soul’s Day Prayer

The past two years have been difficult to say the least for the family. There is a feeling in my heart that this year Hallows Even, All Saints (All Hallows Day), All Souls should be acknowledged with great reverence. And so the reluctant Catholic wrote a prayer to ease my own spirit. In memory of the departed
Celebrate the fall harvest on Oct 31, Pray to the Saints on Nov 1, and simply remember the Souls on Nov 2.

All Soul’s Day Prayer
It is on this day of All Soul’s that we offer to you our prayers for the dearly departed.
Forgive their transgressions and foibles.
For humanity is merely clay that must be knead with faith, it must be molded with charity, and tempered with hope.
Let those departed be warmed by your radiance and know the grace of your gift of peace.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Moments of Living Dangerously Part 2

Recently I have had the joyous feeling of feeling so sick that I ended up in the ER with a morphine drip.


I can clearly remember the events that lead up two the past couple of weeks. I had awaked Sunday morning in which I had about 3 hours of sleep. I felt blah! Not good. Not bad. Just blah. I then went with my Dad and grandfather to a black powder shoot. I pretty much sat there as the smell of sulfurous black powder filled my senses. It’s a smell one come an accustomed to, again it didn't make me ill, but I sure as hell wasn't happy to be smelling that smell again.


Just fast forward a few hours the same day. It was dinner time and my sister had made roast lamb for the family. By that time I was feeling like shit place in a zip lock bag and ran over by a semi then scraped up by some road crew and thrown in an incinerator. My only saving grace was that Monday was Columbus Day and I did not have to go to work. So I spent that Monday in bed. Followed by that Tuesday in bed. By Wednesday morning I was feeling so bad that I knew I had to go to the ER and get some help. But being the ever devote to my job I took my sick ass to work at 4am that morning and worked till 6am. I then undocked my laptop and headed to the ER. I was having pains that were representative of having a gall bladder attack. Upper right side of my belly. I felt that there was a growing sphere that was pushing its way out of my body. I want to take a sharp object and pop myself. After a 100 dollar ER co pay, an ultrasound, a CT, some pills, and an afternoon wasted I was able to go home. But first I had to schedule a HIDA scan. This for those who don’t know it is the definitive answer to any potential gall bladder problems.


Luck for my sick ass I was able to get the test the following day. As I tell my family of my plight I am informed the HIDA scan sucks major ass. For the most part this is true. The test takes about 2-4 hours depending how your body reacts to the radioactive dye. I was luck it only took me about an hour forty-five minutes of sleeping on a table while they made me glow. As matter of fact the test wasn't so bad. This was for two reasons. I was already feeling crappy from the previous day, and the tech had speared my arm and blew out the vein. My arm ached for two days because fall out GQ Boy stuck me like a Christmas pig.


Fast forward to a week later. I am at my family doctor to get my test results. This is only after I have been yelled at by my family to go to a specialist rather than my internist. WELP! The family doctor walks in as the first thing he says it’s not my gall bladder. So after two weeks of being in gut wrenching pain it might be an ulcer rather than the gall bladder. Joy! No one knows what the fuck it going on!


I am still sore in the spot that would indicate a gall bladder problem. But I am also still sore in the spot where it would be my stomach. All I can do at this point is take the Nexium knockoff and hope it is nothing like Khorn’s or worse. Here is to modern medicine. You gave me some pills for my heartburn and tummy pain but I do not feel any better!